This past Thursday, I participated in the Thursday Night Cruiser Ride. The week's theme was "redneck appreciation." It was an upsetting ride on many levels. One thing that upset me was how realistic some people's costumes were. Way too believable. It was also upsetting that I liked wearing a cowboy hat way more than I thought I would (or should).
Anyway, the wild west relay is this Friday. Maybe I should wear the hat while I run... Or maybe I should say "if" I run. My lower back has been hurting me for a few weeks now and it's only getting worse. There are many theories about why this is happening: too much running, too much yoga, old running shoes, etc. But I've never, ever had a problem like this before. My theory is it's a physical manifestation of all the life stress I've been going through in the past month. Let's face it, there's been a ton of it. And given all I've been through, I'm doing remarkably well. So since the back pain is all in my head, my head can make it go away by the end of the week, right? Let's hope so...
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On second thought, maybe I'm not doing so okay (which would explain the back pain). I think I've been putting on a happy face for everyone because, well, everyone wants me to have the happy face. And when I don't, when something upsets me and I tell people that I'm upset, they bold. I mean, simply put, I've been abandoned by everyone that I loved because I told them "hey you hurt me when you did 'X'" and that's pretty traumatic.
I know what you're going to say; "you're not alone", "we care about you", etc. And yes, that's true. I have lots of good friends and I'm really glad to have you guys. But I have no family any more.
My entire family is going on vacation next week and I wasn't even invited. Even though you all thought it was a bad idea, I was completely in love with Pete and planning to spend the rest of my life with him but I haven't heard anything from him in over a month and probably never will again.
I'm running in this huge, gigantic race on Friday and no one from my family even knows, much less cares, that I'm doing it. I could get eaten by a coyote in the middle of the night and no one would even notice that I was gone. This is not a good thing.
What happened? How did it all go so wrong? Is there something about me that's wrong or is it really everyone else in the world that's messed up?
I'd like to think it's everyone else in the world but some days, I'm not so sure...
In that hat, you'd fit right in here in Tennessee. You should come visit.
I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough patch. I'll be cheering for you from afar on Friday.
Thanks Rachael! The cheering will be appreciated. :)
I'm the first runner on my team (yes, that's right. I'm #1!) and we start at 11:00 am, MDT. That's 1:00 pm for you folks on the East Coast, 10:00 am for anybody out west. Be sure to start cheering for me at that time. My first leg is 4.3 miles so you'll need to cheer for about 40 minues.
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