Monsooning

It's monsooning today. We get monsoons here. Who knew?

Anyway, that means it's been raining all day, making for good sleeping-in weather. Too bad I had to wake up at 6:30 to go for a butt kicking trail run with my relay team. Who's bright idea was it to go running in Rocky Mountain National Park? It's rocky and mountains. Rocky Mountains. Geez.

So, given the conditions of the run and the conditions of the past week (lots of sadness and crying, lots of drinking, lots of bad food, and not nearly enough sleep) I wasn't feeling so good. I just couldn't do it today. Not only was my body no good, I couldn't handle competing (while pretending to not compete) with my teammates. So, about three miles into the run, I left the group and headed back to the car on my own.

Even though I wussed out on the run, I felt good as I slogged back to the car. For the past few weeks (maybe even months), I've been so focused on Pete and the slow collapse of my relationship that I haven't really been taking care of me and today, I saw how much that had been hurting me.

It was monsooning in the moutains too and while "monsoon" seems to imply something chaotic and out of control, it was really just a nice, gentle rain. The mountains were covered by clouds and being out there, alone in the middle of RMNP, I realized that I am alone. And then I realized that maybe that's okay because as long as I have me and I'm taking care of me, it's going to be okay.