okay, so some of you know that I've hit a bit of a rough patch and have had a number of what one might call "bummers" over the past few months:
- I own the oldest dog in the world and that can be stressful
- Boy and I called it quits
- I fell in love with a house that was already engaged to someone else
- I've had some problems at work with two coworkers who are a) both unhappy, miserable people, b) good friends, c) bothered by me in some way and making sure my boss knows it.
the coworkes are a guy (we'll call him B for boy) and a girl (let's call her W for woman) and it's been just awful working with them the past few months. in fact, things got so bad with B that we had to have a pow-wow/heart-to-heart with our boss. B said it helped him feel better but he also said he has the ability to read people's auras so what can I say? I didn't feel any bettr but I pretended like I did and things were okay for a bit.
however, both B and W seem to have cycles where they become stressed and overwhelmed by work and then get crankier and crankier to deal with, until there's some kind of blowup. then things resolve, go back to "normal" and it starts all over again. B and I had been getting along okay but over the past week or so, he's gotten more withdrawn and anti-social and it's as if you can sense the problem coming.
so... in a meeting today, a few of us (including W) were talking about a design decision. as always, W disagreed with me (I think she's threatened by my degree and feels the need to argue with me just for the heck of it. MAPWs, does this ever happen to you too?) during the argument, B IMed me and said "leeann is so clueless. she just reacts on feeling vs. logic."
I stared at the computer screen, stunned, mouth open. part of me felt like I had just been punched but part of me also had an oddly calm, happy feeling of "dude, you just toally effed up..."
out of the corner of my eye, I saw B's face go pale. he then wrote a bunch of sentences to try to cover his butt, how he meant to substitute W's name for mine so just re-read the sentence with that substitution, etc., blah, blah, blah. I just wrote back and said "no problem. we'll work out the design." more sentences from him, blah, blah, blah. a short simple, "okay, sure." from me. I could tell his was freaking and rightfully so. while I'd like to give B the benefit of the doubt, I don't think I can do that without also thinking I should buy some snakeoil.
I spent the rest of our meeting feeling pretty bad. (despite what some might think, I am human and do have feelings.) but then I had this epiphany: a) it's good to know where you stand with people and at least I really know that. b) B probably feels like a total jackass and that makes me feel better (it is good to lift yourself up on the misfortunes of others!) and, most importantly, c) even if B and W do think I'm clueless, that's their right. I know that I'm not and I don't need external validation (especially from people like them) to know that. bottom line: what they think of me is not what I think of me. it doesn't define who I am and it's not going to ruin my day. so while B will probably lose a bit of sleep over his fauxpaus, I'm gonna be just fine.
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6 comments:
Good for you! You are great and never forget that. How do I know you are so great? It's in the genes :). Love, Jen
thanks Jen! I appreciate the support. and you're right - our family is like no other, which can sometimes make it hard to deal with the others. :)
Such a good workplace story! You are the epitome of class and professionalism by having responded as you did, with the added benefit of most assuredly NOT "responding by feeling instead of logic" or whatever. I mean, what? You're one of the most logical people I know. And now you can be really, really nice to B, which will be as nails in his coffin. yes!
I'm so sorry to hear about Abby, though. Not so much about the Boy, it just seemed like such a hassle.
on the one hand, it sorta sux to be in that kind of environment. my epiphany happened one day whilst having lunch with my coworkers, listening to them (and probably myself) bash everyone NOT at the table, and realizing how badly i was getting trashed when i wasn't at the table. (coincidentally, that's about when i stopped having lunch with coworkers, not counting yrself).
on the other hand! you totally own that person. and giving the extent of their eff up, it's kinda funny how much you own that person...
I had a similar thing happen to me at work. These two girls I work with were talking about some silly urban legend like it was the absolute truth. We were all joking around about it and I found the Snopes page for it and forwarded it to them. The one girl, L, emailed me thinking that she was emailing the other girl, C, and said "And you have to go spend a whole week with her! LOL!" (C and I were about to leave for a week-long conference.) I called her on it though and replied to her saying "I believe you meant to send this to C." She did the same thing and tried to make it seem like she meant to send it to both of us as a joke, but I knew it wasn't.
having something like that happen is a pretty crappy feeling, no doubt. but it's true that we all talk trash about somebody at some point but I think saying bad things about other people ultimately makes you feel bad because you begin to think people are saying things like that about you.
Rachael, I think you did the right thing by calling out your coworker on the email. I thought about doing the same thing but B realized his mistake before I had a chance to do it. (and, btw, I would be more than happy to go to a week long conference with you!)
I just try to remember that B (and W) are both really, really unhappy people and although they made me feel bad for about an hour, they feel bad all the time.
and now B feels even worse when he sees me (I ran into him in the parking lot this morning and he looked soooooo uncomfortable) and I feel a sense of justice in that.
PLUS, as an added bonus, I now have the opportunity to, in some future meeting, make a joke at my own expense and say, "well you know me, I can be a little clueless from time to time..."
that would be totally brutal and I don't think I mean enough to do it. but still, it feels good to have that in my back pocket.
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