okay, so Boy's parents are in town this weekend and I've been tagging along to a lot of their events. they are nice people. lovely people, in fact. however, it's been a bit tough for me and I know that Boy would never understand why. for various reasons, I've had a hard time feeling like I'm even part of my own family so spending so much time with someone else's family feels strange to me. on top of that, Boy's brother, David, also lives in Boulder so there's four of them and one of me and I can't help but feel like the fifth wheel, especially when I'm the one sitting at the special chair that's been added to the end of the four person table.

through the personal narrative called my life, I've come to discover that I'm a bit of a loner (probably more than a bit). while I enjoy social interactions and what have you, I'm just very used to having time to myself and it feels really, really uncomfortable when I don't get it. sometimes it makes me tired. and sometimes I just need some down time. this weekend, I haven't gotten it. but Boy never needs downtime. and Boy doesn't like to be alone. he's a triplet (have I mentioned this before?) and his family is actually normal and happy and not at all disfunctional (which, personally, I consider abnormal) so he just doesn't get why I might be uncomfortable or unhappy (ever). and I know he never will.

so what do you do with a situation like this? sometimes I think it's nearly impossible (through no fault of his own) for him to truly understand the heart of who I am, what I've been through, what I'm feeling, etc. sometimes I think that's bad. and then other times, I think it's good that he's so different and has such a different perspective. it's confusing. it's tough. and it's what I've been thinking about the most lately. sigh...