Yesterday, I tried to break up with my job.

I had my yearly review meeting with my boss and while my review was not bad, it was not stellar, either. I would be fine with the mediocre label if I were in a challenging job, one in which I was able to leverage my skills, one that made me actually use my brain every now and then. However, being in a job where I'm working at about 30% capacity, my review sort of pissed me off. You can't tell me I haven't created enough "influence" in the department when you've given me no opportunities to influence. This is like reprimanding me for not eating enough carrots when you didn't give me any carrots.

See what I'm saying?

There was a time in my life where I would have let it go and not said anything. But I am not that person any more. After going over the my evaluation, my boss asked me if I "had any concerns." "Yes," I said. "I have lots."

Our conversation then turned into something one might have at the end of a bad relationship.

I told my boss everything that was wrong, everything that just wasn't working, every reason why this particular position in this particular department just wasn't a good match for me. I tried to be as polite and nonjudgmental as possible. I said lots of things like "this place is perfect for a certain type of person and, unfortunately, I'm just not that type of person..." In other words, it's not you, it's me.

But my boss just couldn't understand why I was unhappy or what was wrong. And at times, she looked like she was going to cry. She kept talking about the potential and the opportunities. The more she talked, the more I disliked my job.

"Are you thinking about leaving?" she asked. "We really don't want you to leave." I didn't say "yes" but I didn't say "no" either. When I left the meeting, I felt slightly detached from the job, like I just didn't care any more, like even though my job and I are still together, I'm already starting to move on.

If I had been dating my job, I would have broken up with it yesterday. However, unlike a relationship, you can't breakup with your job. You have to quit. And while it's generally judged to be a bit shady to start seeing someone else before you've ended your current relationship, this practice is the norm with the jobs which means I have to really, seriously begin the job search thing. Yuck.

Oh well. At least I get to buy myself new clothes for whatever interviews I might get.